“My buddy asked me to look after his pet goose while he was away. The goose and I watched movies and went for rides on my motorcycle."
"Never buy a car you can't push."
"Today I went to Target and saw my big silly face in People magazine. Then I sat on the couch and ate a ridiculous amount of peanut M&M's."
"Hundreds of electric bulbs break the night's darkness, a flock of red and yellow birds with wings at a standstill."
"Only I can prevent forest fires? Just me? That might be more pressure than I can handle."
"There are three ninjas in this sentence. Try to find them."
"Every snowflake in an avalanche pleads not guilty."
"[at a concert]So this one is about bugs and stuff.."
"That's a pretty good colour for peach."
"Australia is the home of ridiculously cozy fluffy hotel beds. I should know, I'm in one."
"Santaclaustrophobia: (N) An extreme or irrational fear of one or multiple elderly overweight men in white beards and red winter coats."
"It's okay, Pluto. I'm not a planet either.”
"Today I ran on the treadmill. Tomorrow I'll turn it on."
"And the misguided insects crown me their grasshopper king with a dance of celebration!"
"Opera is when a guy gets stabbed in the back and instead of dying, he sings.”
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